Somehow I didn't have the strength to make any real contribution to this site when my Derek died with no warning six months ago. Today is the first quiet day after our first Christmas without Derek. My first Christmas without Derek for 44 kyats in fact. So this morning lying in our bed I had a look at this tribute and read some of the stories. Jamie and Natalie's tributes are wonderful and sum up their father so well. He was my absolute rock. We understood each other's needs. For example Derek used to faint at the sight of blood so I choose not to have him there at the very moment of birth of our children. Actually that was what I wanted too, not to be worrying about whether Derek would faint or not. It was what we both wanted. And the whole of our life was like that. We wanted the same things. This made decisions quite easy as we never had to fight our about life's big decisions. I have never had such an easy relationship with anyone else. Grief is an uncool label emotion. I am in control at times that I thought would be so difficult, such as Christmas Day but hysterical at the most unexpected times. Rage at the unwanted phone calls selling PPI claims or charity sellers in the street. Hurt at actions of friends that don't concern me at all just a few days later. You see, i have lost my rock and my anchor so I am all over the place. However I do know how lucky I have been to have shared my life with the perfect partner for me. Thank you, Derek. For everything